As a wife of a wonderful man, mum of four children and having reached an age where maturity and wisdom is expected, I still struggle with the feelings of loss over losing the innocence of my childhood. Because my childhood was tainted with emotional guilt and abuse that was far too heavy for any child to bear, both my enjoyment and the innocence of childhood were stolen from me. And there are still times when the longing for what I lost resurfaces, bringing with it feelings of emptiness. It is for this reason I guard myself from pondering too much on my past, except to use my experience to bring better qualities to my life today, particularly in relation to my role as a Mum.
For the majority of my life I have felt as if I was a traveller who was passing through, and not unlike a tourist witnessing the events happening around me, and although at times participating and included, I continuously felt as if my presence was a hindrance to others and that therefore, I was of no worth to the situation. I felt as if the only reason for my life was to be there for others, purely to meet their needs as requested. Clouded with this sense of worthlessness, I undoubtedly believed that if I was to walk out of a situation, event or a part of my life that I would not be missed. I wandered through life struggling to find vision or purpose.
Even to this day I still struggle with feelings of unworthiness which left unchecked ………..
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