Looking for Good in all the wrong places

Good, decent and virtuous.

Honorable, moral and upright.

These are just a few of the qualities I aim to achieve in my life.

Yes it is a journey and I am most definitely working at developing these on a consistent and influential level. I am encouraged that my life is a journey in the classroom of life, and along with the promise that God will complete the good work he has started in me, (Philippians 1:6) I continue to aim to become the woman I am destined to be.

Through this journey I have found that achieving these qualities in my life is more realistic if I am surrounded by others who are of the same mind, seeking the same things in life that I am.

How did I learn this, you ask? I thought you might.

By looking for good (sometimes love) in all the wrong places! Doing this caused me great heartache – mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

How I thought that sharing my life with others was going to work for me, I will never know – especially those who held a different viewpoint, belief system or acceptance of things than I did.

But then I found that others rarely opened up to what they truly believed until the relationship deepened, and by this time I found that I was ‘hooked’ on the friendship. I would tend to stay in these relationships out of a lack of confidence and because of insufficient belief in myself, to move out on my own.

However, over time I inevitably ended up on my own anyway, as the friendship/s could not be sustained due to a variety of reasons, but largely owing to the difference of viewpoints, values, morals and integrity.

After this had occurred several times, I began to rethink my path toward ending up alone and worked at preventing this from reoccurring. The light went on as I came to realize that I had been looking in all the wrong places.

At this stage in my life, I was experiencing deep emotional pain and was in need of true and honest support, not what I was going to find in the places where I had been emotionally living till now. It was also at this time that I was beginning to sense a longing to find my soul mate.

There was no doubt that I was going to need to make some changes, changes in the places I had been visiting emotionally, the kinds of people I had been opening up to and allowing to speak into my life along with my expectations of what I was worthy of in a friendship. Serious changes needed to be made, ones that were not going to be easy, but necessary.

I pondered on the sort of places I was more likely to find the caliber of people I needed in my life to develop deeper in these qualities, especially as these were (and still are) the virtues I desired in a soul mate.

Maybe I could join a social or networking club? There would be good people at these places for sure, but would these good people also believe and hold fast to the same virtues that I needed so badly in my life?

As I spent more time praying and seeking answers for this predicament I found myself in (Divorced, single mum and alone in a new city), I became more convinced that the place I needed to be was amongst a family of faith.

This journey was developed over time, but as I worked towards my goal of finding worthy people to speak into my life I was also richly rewarded with finding my soul mate and we have just recently celebrated 20 years of marriage!

My encouragement to others and lesson to be learnt from my experience is that it is better to have quality in friendships than to have a large quantity of friendships. Always remember you are worthy and valuable, aim for the stars!!!


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Book DEBrief

"Undaunted" by Christine Caine

A book I will read again!

The story that Christine shares is personal and impacting, full of honesty and openness. I related to so much of what she had to share and was extremely encouraged.

Christine is with no doubt a woman of faith, but it is the way in which she openly shares the journey of faith, including the thoughts of doubt and question and the wonder of how it will all work out that for me was the greatest encouragement.

I often feel like a lesser woman of faith when I begin to doubt, yet what I learnt from this real life story is that is the action which we take that will bring us closer to the purpose we were designed for.

I was also reminded that, from my own dark and depressive experiences, I can be used to empower and equip others; but it takes the desire to not only want change but to hang on tight to it, grip it well and move forward with it every day.

This is my first Christine Caine book, one I picked up from a recommendation, and I am so glad that I did. Christine writes in an easy to read fashion, but I found it was her honesty and humbleness before God that captured me.

I do recommend this book as a great read, but be prepared to be challenged whilst also very encouraged to become someone who is UNDAUNTED!


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